when will my day come again?

So today was supposed to be THE DAY!! I was gonna go to the doctor for my day 14 ultrasound to see if the medicine had worked and if I was about to ovulate! I just knew that it was gonna be there. That there would be at least one tiny little beginning of a human today. I was so excited this morning. I got to the doctor office and of course know the rituals. So I get myself prepared for the Dr to come in and I'm still so excited. He starts the scan and almost immediately he says, THERE IS NOTHING!! NOT ONE FOLLICLE MATURED AND READY TO COME ON OUT!! How in the world can this be? I felt in my heart that this was the month. God was going to answer my prayers this month, and the Dr is saying he hasn't.

I know that God is greater than doctors and medicines and he can make it happen. I thought it was gonna happen this month because last month I actually ovulated on my own! So I figured, if I did it on my own last month and this month I took a bunch of medications it will surely happen! But it didn't. My heart aches! I long for the growth of my child inside me again. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for my son! He is great and brings much joy to my life. But I want more. I always knew I would be a mom. It was my job. The only job I was ever sure of.

So now I am sitting and waiting again. Normally I would start a medication to make me have a period now since there is not hope according to the doctor but I feel like I need to wait. I feel like I need to give God the chance to do what he does and provide miracles. He can make those follicles mature and release. So I will wait and trust in him for a couple more weeks on this round. If it doesn't happen this month then I will try again. I have tryed over the last 8 years and not stayed with it.... this time I am not stopping until I am pregnant. My doctor also suggested trying to loose some weight. He says that that loosing 20-30 pounds would do wonders for my body and it might trigger on its own if I do. So I am going to be working hard on eating better and exercising more.

Please pray for me during this time of struggle.My faith is wearing thin. I have been on this journey so long, I just want to be able to have a baby like everyone else.