WOW......... where has this year gone? I cant believe that in a matter of hours it will be 2011!
I have made my share of the same old mistakes in life, year after year. I feel like this year is the YEAR! The year that I finally get it right! I am turning 30 and have nothing to show for my life and it is really depressing.
I am so thankful for what I have been given and for what I have but I am no longer content with this life. There is bigger and better things for me and my family ahead and I am ready to receive/attain them all.
Starting with financially! Whatever I have to do this year I will do so that I do not have to struggle to even provide the basics for my kids! They deserve so much more than that and they are gonna get it. Although I don't really want to I have come to the conclusion that I will probably have to go back to work but if it pays the bills then so be it! I will do until I don't have to!
The other main focus of this year is my health and weight. I am very obese for my height and it has got to go once and for all! I cant play with my kids like I want to and I feel like a beached whale some days! My weight also has played havoc on my body by messing up my female system. I so desperately want to have another baby but I cant like this. I need to loose at least about 40 - 50 pounds before I should even consider a pregnancy. I have more than that to loose to be ideal body weight but that would be a good start for me. I hope to be able to get a scholarship to our local YMCA to have a place to work out. That would be so great! If not or until it happens I will have to deal with what we have at home and make it work.
I have tryed and failed so many times at loosing weight but I am really at a point now that if I don't start to get rid of all of this I could end up with more problems and I don't want that for me or for my family to deal with.
I will achieve this, this is MY YEAR!!
So may you have a happy, prosperous, and BLESSED 2011!!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Where is "home" really?.......
So we were blessed with the opportunity to go "home" to Michigan for Christmas this year. I was so excited!! I had not seen my family since the end of July and was really looking forward to seeing them. We knew we would stay at my moms house for where we would sleep. We got there late on Thursday and my mom wasn't there. Which was fine because it was late. On Christmas Eve I saw her for about and hour or two. She had stayed at her boyfriends house and came home long enough really to shower and get dressed for a party and church. Jeremy, Noah and I were heading to my dads family get together at my uncles house. It was a BLAST!! They always know how to have a good time!
As much fun as I had there though I was really bummed that I did not get to see my mom much. She is my mom and I love her and wanted to be with her. So during the few days around Christmas I learned a lot about "home".
My mom gets mad that I don't stay at her place a lot when I vi st lately......... this is why! If she is not going to be there, then why do I need to be there? I feel like I should be with my family that appreciates me making the trip home 5 hours to see them. If you cant make time for a couple days for me then why do I come visit?
So I decided that Christmas day we would get up and take Noah's gifts to my grandparents house to open there. They were excited to see him open his gifts from Santa........ they haven't seen that in years!
So I have had to learn through time that home isn't always home. That is what you think is home changes. Right now for me and my family in Michigan it feels like home at my dads parents house. From now on I think that is where we will stay. Not that I don't love my mom cause I love her dearly but her priorities are at a different place than me when we are in town. Maybe some day it will change but for now I know where home is............
As much fun as I had there though I was really bummed that I did not get to see my mom much. She is my mom and I love her and wanted to be with her. So during the few days around Christmas I learned a lot about "home".
My mom gets mad that I don't stay at her place a lot when I vi st lately......... this is why! If she is not going to be there, then why do I need to be there? I feel like I should be with my family that appreciates me making the trip home 5 hours to see them. If you cant make time for a couple days for me then why do I come visit?
So I decided that Christmas day we would get up and take Noah's gifts to my grandparents house to open there. They were excited to see him open his gifts from Santa........ they haven't seen that in years!
So I have had to learn through time that home isn't always home. That is what you think is home changes. Right now for me and my family in Michigan it feels like home at my dads parents house. From now on I think that is where we will stay. Not that I don't love my mom cause I love her dearly but her priorities are at a different place than me when we are in town. Maybe some day it will change but for now I know where home is............
CHRISTMAS!!
This year Christmas was very different for the Schalk household. We have been slow with work and don't always make the best financial decisions which landed us in the most awful place to be at the holidays especially....... BROKE!! We had no means of buying anything, not even for our children and it broke my heart. Money has been tight before but we have always been able to pull it out at the last minute and have gifts under the tree.
Now I know what you are saying, Christmas isn't about the gifts, and I totally agree but for a child to wake up to a completely bare tree on the night after Santa is supposed to come is heartbreaking!
Joshua's birthday is the 20th and he turned 14! I can't believe it. We always go to dinner which we did courtesy of Jeremy's mom and Josh's mom and her friend also came. They had not done their gift exchange with their little kids yet so they brought their gifts to dinner. When they started opening their gifts before we left Josh's little sister got a Cars color changing car. Noah instantly loved it and wanted it. My heart was in a million pieces!!
I had nothing to tell him other than it was not his. I could not say " Santa will be here in a couple days maybe he will bring you one", I had nothing....... and that sucked as a parent! I had failed as a provider of my kids needs. So we ended up heading to the car while everyone else finished before we left. As we are sitting in the car and he keeps repeating while crying how much he wants one of those cars he abruptly stops! He looks at me and says, " I know mommy, I can pray to God, God will bring me one!" I burst into tears as I sat listening to the first real prayer I have every heard from my son......... " God, can you please bring me a car that changes colors in the water, and can you tell Santa to bring me one? AMEN" .........
I was speechless!! What on earth was I going to do if I could not get him a color changing car to go under the Christmas tree? What would happen to his faith? Would he believe?
Later that evening I had to message the older kids mom and explain to her why I left without saying bye, I felt so rude when I ran out but didn't want to break down in the restaurant.
The next morning she sends me a message and says that she talked to her co-workers and told them about our situation and that they were getting gifts together for us to give to Noah on Christmas morning from Santa!! It was a modern day miracle that people we don't even really know were going to provide something for our son that we could not! I was blown away! Why would someone do that for us? We aren't the best parents. We mess up financially all the time! We did not deserve any of that! But my son did! He had the faith to believe that it could be done!
They brought so many gifts for him. I was in tears!!
On top of that I really wanted to go home but knew we didn't have the gas money to do that either. So one of my mothers friends said she would send me a gas card so that I could be with my family for Christmas! Well my mother sent the card on December 10th! We were on vacation from the 13th -18th in Tennessee with Jeremy's mom courtesy of her! When we got home I was expecting it to be here but it wasn't. As it got closer to Christmas and when we would leave it never came.
So now Diana has talked to more people at her work and someone donated a gas card in the amount that my moms friend sent so we could get there and back! Another blessing that I was so unworthy of. Why would God do something like this for me. I fail him daily and didn't deserve any of this!
These many CHRISTmas blessings that have been bestowed upon my family has shown my how much my heavenly father does love me! I have seen in a tangible way that he really doesn't leave us and doesn't forsake us! That as many times as I screw up he still loves me!
So now we are onto Christmas day. It was great seeing my baby have gifts to open. At the end of the day though I got frustrated! Noah looked at us and said the stuff he got was not on his Christmas list! There is only one toy that he could come up with that he didn't get that he wanted which was Stinky the Garbage Truck. Well I'm not sure that I want him to have it anyway. LOL!
So then we had to have a discussion about being thankful for what we have been given as gifts and that some kids don't get any gifts. I told him if he so unhappy with the gifts he was given that I could call Santa to come pick up all the gifts and give them to someone else. Noah's response was, "when he picks up these tell him to bring what I wanted!" Are you kidding me??? I could not believe I was hearing this out of his mouth!! So then I had to kindly explain that if Santa has to come pick up your gifts there is no trading, you end up with nothing! At that point he decided what he got was OK.
I am praying and trying to plan so that next year at this time we don't end up with a similar story. I want the best for my kids. Not that I want to buy them but I want them to have some things!
Merry CHRISTmas!!
Now I know what you are saying, Christmas isn't about the gifts, and I totally agree but for a child to wake up to a completely bare tree on the night after Santa is supposed to come is heartbreaking!
Joshua's birthday is the 20th and he turned 14! I can't believe it. We always go to dinner which we did courtesy of Jeremy's mom and Josh's mom and her friend also came. They had not done their gift exchange with their little kids yet so they brought their gifts to dinner. When they started opening their gifts before we left Josh's little sister got a Cars color changing car. Noah instantly loved it and wanted it. My heart was in a million pieces!!
I had nothing to tell him other than it was not his. I could not say " Santa will be here in a couple days maybe he will bring you one", I had nothing....... and that sucked as a parent! I had failed as a provider of my kids needs. So we ended up heading to the car while everyone else finished before we left. As we are sitting in the car and he keeps repeating while crying how much he wants one of those cars he abruptly stops! He looks at me and says, " I know mommy, I can pray to God, God will bring me one!" I burst into tears as I sat listening to the first real prayer I have every heard from my son......... " God, can you please bring me a car that changes colors in the water, and can you tell Santa to bring me one? AMEN" .........
I was speechless!! What on earth was I going to do if I could not get him a color changing car to go under the Christmas tree? What would happen to his faith? Would he believe?
Later that evening I had to message the older kids mom and explain to her why I left without saying bye, I felt so rude when I ran out but didn't want to break down in the restaurant.
The next morning she sends me a message and says that she talked to her co-workers and told them about our situation and that they were getting gifts together for us to give to Noah on Christmas morning from Santa!! It was a modern day miracle that people we don't even really know were going to provide something for our son that we could not! I was blown away! Why would someone do that for us? We aren't the best parents. We mess up financially all the time! We did not deserve any of that! But my son did! He had the faith to believe that it could be done!
They brought so many gifts for him. I was in tears!!
On top of that I really wanted to go home but knew we didn't have the gas money to do that either. So one of my mothers friends said she would send me a gas card so that I could be with my family for Christmas! Well my mother sent the card on December 10th! We were on vacation from the 13th -18th in Tennessee with Jeremy's mom courtesy of her! When we got home I was expecting it to be here but it wasn't. As it got closer to Christmas and when we would leave it never came.
So now Diana has talked to more people at her work and someone donated a gas card in the amount that my moms friend sent so we could get there and back! Another blessing that I was so unworthy of. Why would God do something like this for me. I fail him daily and didn't deserve any of this!
These many CHRISTmas blessings that have been bestowed upon my family has shown my how much my heavenly father does love me! I have seen in a tangible way that he really doesn't leave us and doesn't forsake us! That as many times as I screw up he still loves me!
So now we are onto Christmas day. It was great seeing my baby have gifts to open. At the end of the day though I got frustrated! Noah looked at us and said the stuff he got was not on his Christmas list! There is only one toy that he could come up with that he didn't get that he wanted which was Stinky the Garbage Truck. Well I'm not sure that I want him to have it anyway. LOL!
So then we had to have a discussion about being thankful for what we have been given as gifts and that some kids don't get any gifts. I told him if he so unhappy with the gifts he was given that I could call Santa to come pick up all the gifts and give them to someone else. Noah's response was, "when he picks up these tell him to bring what I wanted!" Are you kidding me??? I could not believe I was hearing this out of his mouth!! So then I had to kindly explain that if Santa has to come pick up your gifts there is no trading, you end up with nothing! At that point he decided what he got was OK.
I am praying and trying to plan so that next year at this time we don't end up with a similar story. I want the best for my kids. Not that I want to buy them but I want them to have some things!
Merry CHRISTmas!!
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