January 10, 2010

So, I have the worst memory in the world. My baby is almost 5 and the realization of a bad memory has really kicked in while trying to remember all the milestones! I feel like such a bad parent that I cant remember them. So, my goal in 2010 is to take pictures everyday and blog everyday, then I will have memories!

Today Noah I were not feeling well. We went to church, then to the chinese buffet (one of our favorite places), then home. Since we werent feeling well, mommy and Noah snuggled up on the couch and watched cartoons. Mommy fell asleep and missed a jewelry show she wanted to go to.

When I woke up the first thing Noah asked was when were going sledding because we had told him a couple days ago we would take but still had not made it out.

So, even though I felt awful, I bundeled up Noah and myself so that I could make sure I had pictures of the first snow of the year for Noah. Jeremy got him self bundled and we went around the corner to his old school cause they have a really big hill.

Noah had a blast.

We started him on a little hill, then i little bigger one, then the BIG one. He was so excited and I felt good that I finally got him out in the snow. I was afraid with this stupid weather that it might melt all of a sudden or something.

Anyway, so then we took a couple customers cars home and had dinner.

So there is today. It is so late and I am going to bed.

I had to go

State of Confusion

I was gonna blog tonight but I think I need to pray and think some more before I get myself in trouble.

Thinking......

I often times wonder why I am the way I am? What is it that I do on a daily basis? Why do I do what I do on a daily basis?

For starters I have a great son that I get to spend all day with. But instead of spending time with him and doing things with him I sit on here or watch TV. I really have become so lazy and complacent with life. Why has this life become ok with me? I dont really like it. I am disgusted with the fact that we are living with Jeremys parents, but I dont do anything to change it. His mother and I fight all the time. So why do I still do what she yells about?

With my kids I have been yelling so long I dont know if I know anything different to do. Sometimes I wonder if I yell just to yell.

But why has this become ok for me? I dont want to be a miserable mother and wife. I want to be happy and live a life full of love and happiness! I dont want all this anger and hostility in my children. They are frustrated and enraged at times and it breaks my heart to see my 4yr old especially act like that.

It is time for changes!! It is the time NOW! I dont want to live another like that. I want to be happy that my kids didnt have to flip their card at school today because they listened and forget that they forget all their homework for the night. How do you get to that point in life.

I have so many things that I think a 10 and 12 yr old should be able to do and when they dont I get irrate!

So today I am saying that I am done yelling. I want to be a good mom and yelling all day isnt cutting it!!


Today I push forward and move on!!

what is wrong with me?

Well I have never been one to have the right words for anything, but i dont think I can screw this one up....what is wrong with ME?

I have heard from two different people indirectly that I am rude/selfish and make everything about me. How I come across like this I don't know.

I try to be friends with everyone. I try to be nice and sincere and caring. For some reason I guess that isn't happening.

So all I can say now is, Lord help me!!! Show me what I am saying or doing that is wrong because I honestly don't have any idea!! I don't have that many people that I know or are friends with and I don't want to loose the few that I have. I am so lonely as it is. I miss all my close friends so dearly. I just want to have girlfriends again, that i can call and cry with and can call and cry to me if needed. Am I really that shitty of a friend???

I don't know how to change because I don't know what is wrong with me, someone please help!!

A new adventure

So here I am once again in a hard spot. As of last week we were oficially moving into the inlaws house. Mind you that this was my idea. Crazy to most I know but our current financial situation warrants no other choice. I have a big problem with managing money which I am aware of and trying like heck to fix. So we are now 4 adults and 3 children in a 4 Bd room house that only had two room available for the 5 of us! So much to our dislike we have all 3 children in one room. One of those things that we just had to do for the time. It has been very trying so far. My mother inlaw enjoys yelling at my children a little to much for me and we have a ton of crap to go through in this house that my MIL does not use and hasnt for the past um....... 5 yrs or so!!!!!

So, this is our life at the moment. It will get better, that is the only option we have!