The last couple days have been a challenge in this house, actually months! We have full blown teenagers in this house, almost 17 and 14. I remember being a teenager and I heard about when my husband was a teenager. We did not make the best of choices ourselves, and I have always wanted better for them. I know we cant make decisions for other people but as a parent I feel it is my job to advise them when they are making wrong choices.
It is proven that the human brain is not fully developed until the end the age of 25!! Therefore, as a teenager you STILL do not understand right from wrong completely and their consequences.
This intelligent, bright, thoughtful, and caring boy is my stepson Josh from about 5 or 6 years ago. He is growing into a young man, he will graduate in a yr and a half. I have been in his life since he was almost 5 yrs old. I have loved him since day one, with no questions asked! I took him to practices, to games, helped at school holiday parties and end of the year activities. Joined the school PTA even!! All because I want the best for this child!! If he hurts, I hurt. I want him to live deeply for Christ and live a life that shows how much he loves the Lord. I have been a terrible example of this.
As he has grown into becoming a young man there have been some choices that were not the best. He would get wrapped up in a "girlfriend" and she would consume his life. He would care less about school and family and be completely focused on her! He had one girl break up with him and he went into depression for 2 weeks while in the 6th or 7th grade!! His father and I advised him that now was not the time to be so worried about girls. Now was the time to focus on who he was becoming and what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. What were his goals and ambitions. He needed to get them clearly set and make sure he got the best grades he was capable of. He is a very smart child but as we all go through.... sometimes would "forget" homework and such. This has gone on for years. The summer between freshman and sophomore year he found people he didn't know who lived in other states and made elaborate stories about his life that were the furthest thing from being truthful.
I am not sure where all this came from. The only thing I could conclude is that he needed more attention. I try to make sure all the kids get to do things they enjoy. Money has been tight so I figured things at home like playing video games and such would suffice. I guess not.
We had a great big blow up this weekend and my heart is broken. He has been working since April of this year. Which is great! We are so proud of him. He kept good grades while working and all. This fall when school started he had school, band practice, games, competitions, and work and still had great grades! But another area we stink at demonstrating the proper way is finances.So, he had just been paid a decent amount of money for 2 weeks of work. He decided to go purchase one of the 2 items he had on his list for birthday and Christmas and spent almost $100!! Needless to say I was a bit frustrated. I unfortunately have learned from my own life growing up that the way to deal with conflict is to yell. So, I lost it a bit and got very defensive. As he was walking out the door he was also reminded that it would be appreciated if he would give us $10-$15 for gas money. He walked out and slammed the door.
Within 5 minutes I had a text saying he didnt want sunglasses ,(obviously cause he had just bought them), he wanted a car and his license. Now we go from a hundred dollar item to $400 for driver ed and possibly a couple grand for a car. He then proceeded to let me know that if he had to pay for gas in the car he would just quit cause it was our job to drive him to his job for FREE!! This is followed by, I need a break. When asked a break from what, I got, the house over there. I tryed to call him and find out where all this is coming from, over wanting him to save money since he has the 2 major gift giving times of the year for a person in a month? I tryed calling many times and I never got an answer. So the way I handled it was, blocking his phone to non trusted contacts, specifically friends and non family.
Well, he did not like that idea either and was mad that he couldnt talk to his friends so he chose to go get his own phone and spend more money.
So now, he has almost no money for the next 2 weeks, I have a second phone line I have to pay that is now not being used, and a child who doesn't want to come over.
This has blown so out of control it is insane. I do not believe that kids should be able to do whatever they want when they want how they want. I do acknowledge that people do have to make mistakes but as a parent it is our job to make sure at all costs that they don't! My husband and I have only made rules for these children out of our own life experiences and hurts and we really don't ask for much. We have a rule no "dating", we prefer the "courting" term. From our own experiences, there is less hurt if you are courting and not dating. Courting is getting to know someone and what they are about without the "commitment". Obviously, we expect appropriate conversations, if they get out of bounds there is a consequence.
At this point I don't know what else to do as a parent. I have 2 children who "hate" me after loving them since they were toddlers. It all seems to me to all be because they don't like what they consider "my rules", even though my husband I came up with them together. I know it is hard to have 2 households.... In my case though I was mainly at my moms, only saw my dad a few times a years. These kids have 2 different sets of rules and views on a weekly basis, which is no fault of theirs.
I am going to be starting "Power of a Praying Parent" with a lady from church who in my opinion rocks! At this point I feel like God is the only one who can fix this. I need help with my snappy comebacks and they need to realize there are rules for a reason.
So, if you have read this and you are the praying type please pray for me, my husband, and kids.
